When Pieces become Parts
by sabina.chaudri
Summary: One-shot: As Juvia is lying still and silent in the infirmary, Gray is bombarded with questions he cannot answer...The air becomes heavier, and as Gray's chest tightens, realization dawns upon him.


Gray stood by the window in the infirmary, his gaze locked on the bed with a silent-still Juvia lying on it. It's been four days.

Her words were ringing in his head: "And I love you…"

He knew exactly what she meant. Gray was done being stupid. The fact that Juvia actually uttered those words changed everything. She was serious. Dead serious. It meant he had to respond. There was no point in stalling or running. Juvia had taken the first step, so he had to say something back when she wakes up… _If_ she wakes u-

Gray cut off the thought before he could finish it.

The problem was, that he still didn't know what he felt. What was he to say to her? That he knew all along? That it's mutual? Was it? Or was that just false hope? That he couldn't accept her feelings? Then again: why not? Wouldn't that hurt her?...

All these questions were swirling at once, but Gray didn't listen. He didn't hear them because his head was killing him. He couldn't deal with this right now.

The thought of hurting her was unbearable. What if she never did wake up? What if it really was the end?...

The room was silent. The grand hall, where the rest of the mages sat, was silent as well. It was unusually cold in the guild and the ice mage had nothing to do with it. It was _that _atmosphere. When time around you slows down and the minutes pass painfully slow, enough for you to realize that 60 seconds is actually a hell of a time.

Something lingered in the room. A dark presence, a ghost, perhaps? Everyone felt it, but couldn't pin it down to a specific location. The mysterious dark being filled the entire building with its invisible entity, making everyone feel uneasy. The mages didn't move but every single one of them was mentally prepared for a fight.

A fight they'd lose, Gray thought, because he new this creature all too well. They've meet before and every time they would come face-to-face Gray would loose. Because no matter how prepared you are and how hard you try, in the end, Death always wins.

And just like that, Gray began to _break._

All the worry, all the guilt, the pain, the fear, that kept feeding of him for the past four days, was sucking him dry. He couldn't take it anymore. His body couldn't take it anymore. Gray's heart was running a 72-hour marathon (he was somewhat in denial the first day), each pump it made beat against his rib cage. He felt the pulse drum in his temples. He felt hot and he was suffocating. Gray was tired, his body, his mind – they were tired.

And so, being the smart organ it is, Gray's brain began to throw him suggestions. Ways to escape all of this, little paths to relieve him from anxiety, away from the hurt. Little thoughts that could free him.

"A, c'mon Gray," – he heard a loud voice in his head. It wasn't his: "You lost so many people in your life, - what's one more?"

_Disgusting_.

"And hey! Think of it this way. If she doesn't wake up, then you don't have to bother coming up with an answer for her. There you go! Problem solved!"

_Disgusting._

Gray was disgusted with himself. How could he possibly be having these thoughts? What was happening? This isn't him.

"Besides, you weren't that close anyway…"

Gray dismissed the voice, just like a grown up dismisses a child's tantrum, or how you tune out the casual chatter around you while your listening to your favorite song. He didn't want to hear that. It was making him sick. Sicker than he already was. He didn't want to think those things…

But…

What else could he do?... For 96 hours Gray had barely moved. He didn't eat, because every attempt at swallowing ended up choking him. He didn't sleep because he would scream in his dreams. Inside those dreams he would see only red or black, or the blue that was slowly turning white. Pale, deadly pale. Sickening really. He would wake up sweaty and panting only to find himself back in the room with an almost breathless Juvia.

_From one nightmare to another._

He didn't want to think those things, he wanted to pound himself senseless for thinking those things, but it was futile. His mind was trying to let him know that it couldn't take this anymore. It wanted relief. So it kept on rambling, and Gray kept dismissing…

While the loud voice was blabbering non-coherent aversions, another voice appeared somewhere in the back of Gray's mind. It was faint.

_"__You're changing"_, - it whispered.

Gray didn't blink.

"_You're different._"

He _was_ different. The Gray he always was would never have thought those things; he would have never given up on a friend. Never! He would have never turned away or abandoned them; he would have been there for his nakama, stayed with them and believed in them till the very end. Because _that_ was the person he was taught to be.

"_Without her… you're different_".

Gray stared aimlessly at the bed. He felt light-headed and couldn't struggle, which actually only made it easier for him to intake the murmuring.

Effortlessly Gray made a semi-conclusion: the whisperer was right.

Seeing her like this…Not seeing her smile, not having her follow him, be by his side, or annoy the crap out of him with that wild imagination that, he never did understand how, could fit in such a pretty small head…It was changing him.

_"__Without her, you're different"._

There was the time with Lucy during the Grand Magic Games. When Minerva publicly dishonored her title as a mage by succumbing to violence in an originally almost fair fight with the stellar spirit user. When Lucy was recovering in the infirmary Gray was boiling. He felt like ripping the bitch to shreds. He wanted to freeze her limbs and then one-by-one, he would shatter them with his Ice Make: Hammer. He felt rage and Minerva would be the victim of his wrath.

So why was it different now? Why did he feel so broken? Why wasn't he out there smashing people to pieces? Why was it that the idea of leaving the room pierced his knees and glued him to the ground?

_"__Without her, you're not yourself"._

Without even a shadow of a signal to the outside world, something in Gray shifted. Something clicked. Some broken part of his world suddenly…made sense again.

And for the first time in four days Gray glanced at Juvia's face.

And he Knew.

Ever so soundlessly and ever so gently, Gray brushed his fingers against the soft of her hand.

His headache had gotten worse, but all the loud rambling stopped because he knew. He knew the answers to those questions.

His mouth felt dry, his lungs were burning but it all didn't matter, because vague traces of rejoice were creeping up his heart.

He knew. He was sure. There was no doubt. Not an ounce of doubt. He knew exactly what he was feeling…

Gray laced his fingers with hers, trapping them in his soothing warmth and, echoing the little voice in his head, whispered to her:

"I love you."

**AN:**

I will forever proclaim my love to the awesomeness that Gruvia is! Never have I ever felt so inspired to .. well.. pretty much do anything creative in a while now! Long Live Gruvia! I started a doujin about Gruvia and Silver as well, which you can find on my DA account ^_^ (link is below)

Please, do not hesitate to contact me, I am available almost 24/7 and I reply really fast ^_^ (Here's my DA account (tumblr has the same user name ^_^)) : chsabina . deviant art. com)


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